Being mindful can be lonely

Tonight at mindfulness class we discussed how becoming more mindful can be lonely. Allow me to elaborate.

As you develop a greater awareness of your self and your surroundings you begin to become more mindful of others. This is largely because you are now checking in with yourself more and more, which is allowing you to get a better picture of how others make you feel. Once you get a handle on how others make you feel, the more conscious you are about what they are saying, doing, expressing.

And too often, when we become aware of what others are saying, doing or expressing we realize that they are making us feel, well, not that great.

A large proportion of our time is spent with whom I call, fun sponges. More bluntly, people who suck the fun and joy out of every and any situation possible. Most of you will be nodding your head as you recall an individual from your daily routine who does just that. Some of you may not; that is a wonderful thing.

When we become more mindful of how we feel and the power that others can have on how we feel, we take more notice of these fun sponges. And then we begin to take notice of our friends, family, and friendly colleagues who are not necessarily fun sponges but spend a lot of time complaining, grumbling and groaning.

This can be scary. This can be upsetting. As we begin to notice the constant flow of negativity around us, the stronger our desire becomes to get away. And by getting away, we are removing ourselves from friendships or partnerships that have been present for a long time. Such change can be daunting and unwanted.

Yet, you must ask yourself, “do I want to be around negative individuals all day long?” The answer is likely no.

Thus, becoming more mindful can initially be quite lonely. Yet, you will find others like you. You will build new, more powerful friendships and partnerships on the tenets of acceptance, peace and loving compassion. That sounds pretty darn good to me.

So while difficult at the beginning, stick with it. I think the rewards will be far greater than the losses.

M